Well good for us! It seems that women did come out in force - and 56% of us voted for change. No matter which side of the political fence you were on, I hope you are now able to appreciate the enormous opportunity that lies before us. Now is a time to put aside our differences and focus on our similarities. Just like midlife, this time in our collective history can also be an opportunity for a fresh start.

And there is no need to wait until January 20 to begin this change! Read the rest of this entry »

It’s shocking to realize that it was less than 100 years ago (88 to be exact) that women were finally granted the right to go to the polls and cast a vote. We owe our grandmothers and great-grandmothers generation a HUGE debt of gratitude.

They were jailed for picketing the White House, carrying signs asking for the right to vote. They were hurled into dark cells, chained from above and left to hang by their arms all night, beaten, choked, kicked, force fed and otherwise abused. They were willing to pay this awful price because they were passionate in their belief that it was a citizen’s right, regardless of gender, to have an equal say in who would be elected to run our country.

In times of change it’s expected that the status quo will feel especially threatened. Read the rest of this entry »

We can all benefit from taking time periodically to just be with ourselves, especially during this midlife transition. How else are we going to discover what we want to do next? During midlife, taking the time to retreat in order to slow down, quiet our minds and turn within is not only a good idea, it’s necessary to help us uncover the latent dreams and desires that get buried in the noise of everyday life. Read the rest of this entry »

After my last post about the importance of letting go of our emotional baggage as we move into midlife, I was blessed with an opportunity to see the effects of my efforts to do just that. I went to my hometown of Milwaukee, WI and on to Chicago to visit with family and friends for a week. Past visits have been wrought with angst and unresolved issues, so I was delighted to find I was actually enjoying my visit. It’s great to see the fruits of ones labor actually show results! Being immersed in the middle of family dynamics is a great way to see how far you’ve come - or not.

I see Midlife as a time to take a good look within and make peace with all the lingering pieces of my past that are getting in the way of making the next 50 my best 50. These unproductive habits, resentments, grudges, unhealed wounds, negative thinking and the like are just so much baggage that don’t need to make the journey into the rest of my life!

Having a mindfulness practice helps me identify these broken pieces, embrace them with compassion and become detached from them. I’ve learned that it takes too much energy to try and push things away, or pretend they’re no longer there. How have you been letting go of your baggage?

Are women better able to handle midlife transitions? While I have previously written about whether midlife really IS a crisis, I found some interesting perspectives shared by Les Brown in his blog post: “Do Fewer Women Have Midlife Crises?” It’s a decidedly male point of view, and addresses issues I hadn’t thought about. (not being a man myself)

At midlife, both genders find themselves at a place where we are challenged to move beyond many of the limiting mindsets of our youth into a more “self-possessed” maturity.
The steps we take to deal with our midlife transition closely mirror Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief (which I also write about in Amazing Grays – noting that it was originally call the 5 Stages of Receiving Catastrophic News!)

We either work our way through these stages and get on with a productive life, or we get stuck somewhere along the line. According to Brown, two key components that make working through this transition easier for everyone are the willingness to talk about what is going on inside of them and the ability to rely on a community of support and ask for help.

Well, ask any woman…

1. Are most men willing to talk about what’s going on inside of them?
2. How many men are willing to ask for direction(s)?

While the answers to these questions may make many of us smile – men come by these traits honestly. According to Brown, throughout their lives, men are rewarded for being “competitive” and taught that success is achieved through “rugged individualism” – the “I gotta do it myself” mentality. These culturally ingrained mindsets often keep men from asking for help and creating the sense of community they need to transition into this next phase of life.

Most women, on the other hand, love to talk about what’s going on with them and willingly share their feelings and insights (note the number of blogs written and visited by midlife women).

So, take a peek at his article and come back and tell me…do you think women have the edge in handling midlife transitions? How are the men in your life coping with midlife?

While menopause is inevitable for most of us, how we treat it is optional. There are currently a variety of healthful options to mitigate ones symptoms. If you are one of the thousands of women using bio-identical hormones, or think you might like to use them in the future - NOW is the time to pay attention to what’s happening in Congress - before you have no choice.

Some major drug companies have pressured the FDA to ban bio-identical estriol (which they did this past January) - a hormone that is identical to the one the human body produces. Why? Because women are now looking to these alternatives to help them through menopause rather than using the synthetic versions that the drug makers make millions selling.

While you may not choose to use bio-identical hormones, let’s allow it to remain a viable option for those women who do. You can contact your congressperson and ask them to support a bill that’s currently in Congress designed to overturn the FDA’s ban on estriol. The drug companies should be allowed to sell their products, but not run off the competition. Perhaps they might be motivated to improve their products to have less detrimental side effects.

The drug companies are counting on women to be silent, or ignorant, or passive. Let’s show them we’re not. DO something.

As I move further into midlife, I find I am looking differently at the things that have given my life value for so many years. My nurturing gene has somehow been switched to neutral, and I sometimes resent the household demands on my time. I’m no longer looking for my “other half” (can you believe we once thought it was somewhere outside ourselves?) …finally accepting that I am whole unto myself. I’m no longer searching for security and fulfillment in the material world. I’m moved to find ways to make a difference beyond my immediate family. I’m no longer consumed with my appearance; no one could call me high maintenance these days! I know the difference between quality and quantity.

Despite my own creature comforts and career success, I know it’s neither the things I possess nor my achievements that bring about the deepest sense of inner peace and fulfillment. How about you? Have you had similar realizations? What brings you peace and a sense of fulfillment these days?

Like many of you I too was saddened by the sudden passing of Tim Russert, moderator of “Meet the Press”. The tears and accolades that poured forth like honey on a wound from the many people who knew and loved him best touched me deeply. He was clearly a man who lived life full out and exemplified living with grace, gratitude and gusto.

And so I got to thinking… What would I like people to say about me when I leave this earth? Am I leaving the legacy I consciously choose, or one dictated by my past? Am I walking my talk? Am I living the values I deem important – do I even know which values I deem important…now?

His sudden passing at such a young age (58!) made me realize that while I am planning on making the next 50 my best 50 – I only have so much to say about how long I live. The only thing I really have a say in is HOW I live.

What legacy would you like to leave?

Imagine you are attending your own funeral. (No one can see you!) What would you like to hear your loved ones say about you and how you lived your life? Are there any changes you need to make now to ensure you leave the legacy you want?

I’d love to hear your insights!

If you haven’t visited the new Dove “Real Women/Real Beauty Campaign” website yet, you’re in for a treat! Dove and MSN have recently partnered to create “a place where everything is up for discussion – everything from beauty products to tips and advice to thought provoking films and articles.”

Their various contributors represent all different age groups – so, midlife ladies – we are covered! That’s where I come in. Beginning Tuesday, June 3, I will be a guest editor on the site. My article, “On Feeling Beauty-full” will be featured. In the essay, I give away the secret to aging gracefully and becoming an Amazing Gray. Please join me in discussing how YOU stay positive and feeling beautiful as you age. I’d love to hear from you!

You can join me on the Dove site or reply to this post if you’d like to connect with other midlife women who are bucking outdated stereotypes. More than that, we have an opportunity to show the young women of the next generation that it’s possible to age with grace, gratitude and gusto! (not withstanding a bit of kicking and screaming)