Jaime Lee Curtis & Maggie Crane (can you tell who's who?)

Ever wish you could have a do-over?  Over a year ago I met Jaime Lee Curtis at a book signing for one of her children’s books (my granddaughters love them!) When she first saw me, she gushed “My twin!” It was very sweet.  Yes, there are some similarities in our haircuts and bone structure as you can see from the photo – but that’s probably where the similarity ends. Her celebrity life and my everyday life are worlds apart.

I gave her a copy of Amazing Grays and included a note inviting her to submit her “after” photo to my online Gallery of Silver Sages to “prove” she was one of us. If you’re listening Jaime – I apologize. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone – and had I given my note more thought I would have simply said – please accept this gift…and enjoy the read. You already exemplify what Amazing Grays is all about – women who are beauty-full, vibrant, mindful, healthy, physically fit, desirable, wise and passionately engaged with life. Going gray in such a tough industry couldn’t have been easy – and I applaud your courage.

Yes, it takes courage to buck the norm…so I also applaud all the everyday Amazing Grays out there – whether you are blonde, brunette, red, black, white or silver. WE don’t need to prove anything to anyone either – we just need to show up for our lives and show the world what we’re capable of – regardless of age or hair color.      hoo-ah!

I was recently interviewed by Nancy Hall – a freelance writer for Woman’sDay.com – to provide input to an article she was writing on gray hair.  Like many maturing boomers, she decided to stop coloring her hair and allow her gray to grow in. In her own words – I waved goodbye to my beloved L’Oreal “Brioche” three years ago, and now, at 53, I love my hair more than I ever have in my life, and feel confident and self-assured (I just got my first-degree black belt in traditional Okinawan karate).

Now, we can’t say her sense of empowerment is because of the gray hair – but letting her hair go gray was part and parcel of her new found authenticity.

You can read her article titled “10 Reasons to Go Gray” online. We’d love to hear what you think! FYI – the photo in the article is not me – or Nancy. It’s simply another Amazing Gray – looking radiant.

Remember, Amazing Grays come in all colors – blonde, brunette, red, black, white and silver.

YOU get to choose which color works best for you. We’re just saying…

This quote gave me pause, as it’s easy to jump to judgment when we see someone behaving “badly”. By the time we have reached midlife, most of us have gotten off our high horse and understand and appreciate the beauty in imperfection.

Have compassion for everyone you meet, even if they don’t want it. What appears as bad manners, an ill temper or cynicism is always a sign of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen. You do not know what wars are going on down there where the spirit meets the bone. ~ Miller Williams

Most of us are carrying around wounds from the past, facing challenges in the present and harboring concerns about what lies ahead. Remember this when you are gathered with family and friends during the holidays and take the opportunity to add the perfect seasoning to any gathering – compassion. We have no idea what ghosts people are wrestling with. By honoring their struggle, we give ourselves permission to honor ours as well.  After all, this season (this life!) is about gratitude, compassion and connection – which is all too easy to forget. Happy holidays!

I’ve long been a proponent of reducing the amount of radiation a woman’s breasts are exposed to, so I am actually pleased at the recent Task Force recommendations that low risk women wait until age 50 to begin getting mammograms, and then only every two years. They provided several reasons and  statistics for their recommendations – but I suspect that they were not able to fully address the radiation issue because of the potential for lawsuits – from women, doctors and perhaps even the manufacturers of radiation based devices themselves.

First let me say that I am not medically credentialed – I’m just a woman who is forever searching for more healthful options to maintain my quality of life.  It’s important we all be proactive in exploring what’s best for our own body. On this issue I simply want to be one more voice that suggests that there is a safer way to know what’s going on inside your breasts. Take a peek into the future – which is now!

Ever heard of a Thermogram? It’s a breast exam using an extremely sensitive heat-sensing infrared camera that can spot cancerous cells up to 8 years before they would even be detectable on a mammogram. There is no squishing, no radiation, no pain.

According to the Great Smokies Medical Center website: Breast thermography detects patterns of heat produced from the increased circulation produced by abnormal metabolic activity in cancer cells. Thus, thermography is a physiological test. Thermograms are interpreted by thermologists.

In her Road to Health Newsletter Bonnie O”Sullivan writes:

People often wonder if a Thermogram is better than a Mammogram or vice versa. Though both tests are used to detect breast cancer, each test has a different purpose. The Thermogram is used to detect subtle changes in the heat of the breast and information on any abnormal function in the breast while a mammogram is used to detect actual mass in the breast. By the time a mammogram detects a solid mass the cancer has been in the body for at least 5 years. The most effective way to find breast cancer is to use both exams.

• A Breast exam alone diagnoses 61% of cancers
• A Mammogram alone detects 84% of cancers
• A Thermol Mammogram and conventional Mammogram detects 95% of cancers

95%! Rather than see this as an either/or situation, perhaps maturing women could get Thermograms every year or two, and mammograms only when they find increased “hot spots” during their thermal imaging. No need to throw out the baby with the bath water. Please ladies, check out the availability of Thermograms in your area. Your doctor may not be well versed about this option – so educate him or her. Used in conjunction with a mammogram, we can be well informed about our breast health without being over radiated! Caveat: this new field of opportunity is ripe for those who don’t have adequate training or certification – so do your homework!

I had my first Thermogram last year – no hot spots thank goodness. Lisa Kalison – a San Diego based Certified Clinical Thermographer and Breast Advocate (and don’t we need more of those!) suggests following up your first Thermogram with a second one 3 months later to establish a baseline. Makes sense. Currently most Thermograms are not covered by insurance and, on average, can cost anywhere from $200-$300 each. Small price to pay for peace of mind – don’t you think? To learn more or to find a thermography center near you visit breastthermography.com or breastthermography.org.

Click here to read another great article explaining how a Thermogram is administered and the science behind the process. Then come back and tell us what you think!

If you’ve had a Thermogram or are considering its use – share your story here. Just click on Comment at the end of this post and give us your 2 cents worth!  Just like our quest for more natural hormone replacement options – we women are going to have to demand better and safer alternatives for breast health as well.  Ask questions. Get educated. Make some noise!

Then, just the other day, I found myself looking through a list of over 700 quotes I have collected over the past couple of years. They come from a variety of sources and tend to be pithy comments on the human condition – many of them a source of midlife wisdom. Never irrelevant!  mmmm.

Idea!  Once a week, I will select a quote sequentially from the list and write whatever comes up from the mindset of a midlife women intent on aging with grace, gratitude and gusto -  allowing for the occasional kicking and screaming! My wish is that all you midlife women tuning in will leave your impressions or comments on the quote, or my response to it, as well.

Here goes:

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. Judy Garland

The obvious take on this message is to assume that it is about one person trying to emulate the life of someone they admire… and falling short. We’re so programmed to be the person we learned we “should” be that many of us haven’t discovered the fullness of who we authentically are.  So we put on airs, adapt someone else’s style, and become an actress in a play called our life. Unfortunately, trying to “pretend” to be the person we would like to be takes its toll. We minimize ourselves, we’re always on guard, secretly fearing that we’ll be found out. There is little authentic intimacy in our life, as we aren’t intimate with ourselves. I know this because I lived it, as I suspect have many of you. It took me years to pull apart my “shoulds”, challenge them, and then sit still long enough for the real me to bubble up. It’s still bubbling.

The less obvious response to this quote is that many of us midlife women are still trying to emulate the life of the young woman we were – and falling short. We hold on to roles that we’ve outgrown, clothes that no longer flatter us and jobs or relationships that have become unfulfilling.

Truth is, we can only ever be a second-rate version of the younger woman we were. And I say halleluiah!  It’s time to stop pretending we’re still 30, grieve the loss and let her go. It’s not that our looks become unimportant. It’s just that in midlife we have the opportunity (and some would say the responsibility) to take the focus off our packaging and redirect it to our essence. We get to celebrate who we really are and become a first-rate version of the woman we’ve become! Beauty-full.

Now, if I could only sing like Judy Garland.

Her question was: For midlife women not in a committed relationship, how do we come to grips with what might be lifelong singleness? How do we grieve that?

Turning that question over and over in my mind, I was once again struck with how much misery we can unintentionally create for ourselves by wishing things were different than they are. We often miss the opportunity of the moment because we get tripped up by what we think is “supposed to be.”

You can read my response to her question at womenbloom.com. I’d love to hear your take on the issue!

We both laughed, but hasn’t that happened to you? Sometimes, I am out and about and catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or window. I am still surprised to see a silver haired woman reflected as “me“. It doesn’t jive with how I see myself. I feel energetic, engaged, enlivened and downright youthful!

Mary reminded me of the Scottish poet, Robert Burns who wrote:
O wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as ithers see us!

Okay, in American English that means: how great it would be to be gifted with the power to see ourselves as others see us.

But wait! Perhaps there comes a time in life when we can turn that on its ear and wish for the power to have others see us as WE see ourselves! Rather than have others focus on our wrinkles and softer bodies and make all the common assumptions that typically surface around an aging person – wouldn’t it be great to have them see past the stereotype and notice the contented smile, self composure and sparkle in our eyes? Really SEE the woman we’ve become.
Is it enough just to see it for ourselves? It takes time to change a stereotype…and the only way to change it is to challenge it. How are you challenging it?

I began the day by setting an intention to be happy and in-the-moment – no matter what alternative the “voices” inside my head were trying to sell me. I spent the day in silent reverie punctuated by spells of sitting meditation. Throughout the day I enjoyed delicious vegetarian meals, eaten in shared silence with the other retreatants. (And not believing the “voices” insistence that it would have been better with a birthday cake!)

On my walks I witnessed nature’s resurrection. The majesty of the verdant sun-kissed rolling hills, the leafing of trees large and small, wildflowers vibrating in the breeze. I inhaled the aromas of a world waking up from deep sleep. (When the “voices” tried to point out that there could be wild animals waiting to attack me I refused to be taken in by their fear tactics)

During the cool, sunny afternoon, I assisted with readying the organic gardens for the spring planting. After several days of rain (before I arrived!) the weeds yielded easily to a gentle pull, releasing the pungent odor of fresh earth. Who would have thought dirt could smell so good! (When the “voices” insisted I was getting my clothes too dirty, I simply turned my attention back to what I was doing)

As I lay my head on my pillow that night I thought to myself that this was truly one of the happiest birthdays I had ever had. I realized I had given myself a precious gift – the present. (And I ignored the “voices” that insisted it would have been better if I’d had a party!)

Anyone who has ever spent time in silence will tell you it’s not really all that quiet. The voices INSIDE our heads are constantly chattering away. These are the voices that tell us we’re not enough, there is always something wrong and we’ll never get it right. They will run (and ruin) our lives if we give them free reign. They could have spoiled my birthday if I had let them. Give yourself the gift of silence and discover that these voices are not really YOU.  It’s the only present you will ever need.

Is twitter one of those “everyone is doing it” things so it just seems like the right thing to do? Frankly, who would possibly be interested in the fact that I just put out an online press release (my book won an award!), planted some snapdragons in my garden (those big, tall, buttery yellow ones), updated my web site (check out the red feathered showgirl)  and then ran to the grocery store! (Soy milk, Vegenaise and berries)

What am I missing here? Can someone tweet me in?